


Offline (We should stay in love)

by noraphi



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blow Jobs, Dildos, Dirty Talk, FTM, Gender Dysphoria, Hand Jobs, Insecurity, M/M, Online Relationship, POV Alternating, Phone Sex, Sex Toys, Trans Male Character, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2019-11-16 07:06:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18089708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noraphi/pseuds/noraphi
Summary: They met online six months ago. Now, Hoseok wants to meet irl, and Changkyun needs to out himself, but his dysphoria is acting up.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you happen to read this little fic and find yourself with transgender related questions, feel free to ask in the comments, or find me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/nightmoonish).
> 
> cw: Changkyun has bottom dysphoria

Hoseok hurries into his bedroom, ruffling a towel through his wet hair. Reaching his bed, he takes a look at the screen of his ringing phone and can’t stop himself from smiling. He sits down on the fresh sheets to take the call.

“Hey, babe,” he says, preparing his heart to skip a beat.

“Hey.” 

There. Cardiac arrest. Just for a split second, but still. Hoseok presses the towel against his chest, letting himself fall back onto the soft cushions. 

“What took you so long?” Changkyun asks with a voice so dark and gentle Hoseok closes his eyes to enjoy this beloved tone. He’ll never get used to it, never grow tired of it. It’s so rich and perfect...

“Hello?”

“Sorry,” Hoseok finally replies, rubbing the towel over his chest. “I just came back from taking a shower. Is something wrong?” They usually don't call each other before 10 p.m.

“No,” Changkyun clears his throat. “I just missed you.”

Hoseok prevents himself from biting the towel and instead just settles for a silly grin. He still can’t believe that a round of LoL turned so quickly into something more like LomL. 

“Nice game,” iamwhatiam96 had said in the voice chat six months ago, after adding Hoseok on steam. “Up for another round?” And Hoseok had to check twice if it wasn’t just some porn ad, trying to lure him in with a gorgeous manly voice into a completely different kind of game. But in the end Hoseok got something even better.

“What are you doing?” he asks not even trying to hide his glee.

“Reading poems and thinking of you.”

Hoseok snorts. “That means you're working, right?” He won't fall for Changkyun's smooth talk. But in all honesty, it's doing all the things to him. Every fucking time, Hoseok catches himself falling deeper. He really needs to get a hold of himself and pushes the damp towel aside, moving up onto the pillows.

“Maybe I was,” Changkyun chuckles. “But then you mentioned something about taking a shower and now all I can do is picture you naked.”

Farewell, Composure. 

“I'm... actually still not fully dressed, you know.” There’s a moment of silence.

Changkyun coughs slightly. “Can we video chat?”

Hoseok hums, swallowing down the excitement. He props himself up against the backrest. His body is already reacting, growing heavy in his trunks. Changkyun has conditioned him so well. He accepts the video call.

“Hey,” Changkyun says again, and this time Hoseok can see that gorgeous mouth forming the word, but Changkyun’s hoodie is throwing shadows over his eyes, and the eyebrow piercing isn’t visible at all. What a pity.

“Why are you hiding?” Hoseok asks, adjusting his fringe.

Changkyun smiles shyly. “I dyed my hair, and I’m not sure I like it.”

Hoseok stops in his motions. “Show me.”

Changkyun pulls the dark fabric hesitantly off his head, and there it is, another cardiac arrest. Hoseok is clearly dying.

“You’re hair is blonde,” he exhales.

“Yeah…” Changkyun drives a hand through the light colored strands. 

Fuck. “I love it.”

“You do?”

“I wanna touch it.”

“And I wanna touch you,” Changkyun says softly, his voice turning so low and promising, it sends shivers down Hoseok’s spine, and he almost hisses at the strong pull hardening his nipples.

It has been such a sweet pain so far, this physical distance. This online relationship. Hoseok didn’t even know he was capable of falling in love like this, but Changkyun so very nonchalantly had robbed Hoseok of his sleep first and went straight for his heart second. 

Hoseok adjusts the angle of the camera, adding his naked torso into the frame. He licks his lips, running a hand down his chest, grazing a nipple with his thumb. “Come here, baby. Touch me all you want.”

Changkyun smirks, watching Hoseok very carefully. “You have no idea how much I wanna suck on those pretty nipples.” He puts a pen into his mouth, nibbling on the button.

“Oh, I know,” Hoseok breathes, circling his thumb over the hard pearl beneath it, taking it between his fingers. He tugs softly and hisses aloud this time.

“Mmh, nice,” Changkyun hums. “Do that again, but not gently. I want my teeth on you.”

Hoseok chuckles and obeys, pinching his nipple and pulling it sharply. He feels the tweak instantly twitching in his dick and groans. “You're such a tease.”

“So I've been told,” Changkyun grins, brushing the pen over his lower lip.

“By who?” Hoseok asks, letting his hand glide down his torso while watching Changkyun licking the barrel. His arousal suddenly becomes so very urgent, so very needy for attention.

“My twenty other online boyfriends.”

“Fuck you,” Hoseok huffs, reaching the waistband of his trunks, and the sweet pain starts to become less sweet and more searing. “Kyunah,” he groans. “I want your hands on me so bad.”

“I know,” Changkyun whispers, putting the pen away.

“Take your shirt off,” Hoseok pleads, but Changkyun just vanishes shortly from the screen.

When he’s back, the picture is shaking, and Hoseok watches Changkyun leaning back on his chair, obviously busy with his free hand. “You know, I’m shy,” he replies, biting his lips, visibly trying to swallow down a sigh.

“Sure, that's why you just started without me,” Hoseok chuckles, knowing very well what that subtle movement of Changkyun’s left arm means, and he doesn’t hesitate to catch up. He lets his own hand slip under the waistband of his trunks, brushing the tip of his fucking hard dick.

“What can I say,” Changkyun pants, his eyes already closed. “You're making me so very impatient.” 

“You're welcome,” Hoseok snickers, moving his hips to push his trunks one-handed away from his length, and the fresh air hitting his hard-on makes Hoseok instantly go back for his dick, closing his fingers once more over the thick shaft, and he groans, also closing his eyes.

He presses the heaviness down towards his balls, rubbing over the base, up and down the shaft, and he’s so fucking hard. It feels so fucking good. But it’s Changkyun’s voice and his little deep moan that makes Hoseok open his eyes again, that makes him want to see that pretty mouth, those lusty lips parted in pleasure. It’s such a hot sight, so fucking sexy. Hoseok pulls his dick back up towards himself, tightening his hold before he starts moving his hand with slow and heavy strokes. 

Hearing his breathing pattern change, Changkyun opens one eye and chuckles with a huff. “Are you jerking off while watching me again. You're such a pervy old man.”

Hoseok snorts. “Listen, you cheeky brat. When we finally meet, I'll spank you so hard you won't be able to sit anymore.”

“When we meet,” Changkyun counters, licking his lips. “I'll fuck you so hard you won't be able to do anything but begging for more.”

Ah, shit. Hoseok moans, catching a new wave of precum with the next stroke. “You're such a- uh, fuck” Moving his hand faster, the pressure in his groin grows impatient.

“Turn the angle,” Changkyun demands. “I wanna see your dick spilling the cum all over you.”

“Am I your personal porn channel, or what?”

“Yeah, and now turn it.”

Hoseok huffs amused, switching off the front camera. He adjusts the angle to full view on his dick and puts his fist around his length again as a familiar excitement is sending a tremble through his body. Changkyun always makes him do the most intimate things, and it’s the feeling of doing something really dirty that pushes Hoseok right to the edge where the pleasure is the fucking sweetest.

“Your dick is so gorgeous,” Changkyun hums through the speaker. “So fucking big and pretty,” he sighs, breathing heavier. “My mouth is watering so bad for you. I swear, I’m dreaming of you fucking my face,” he groans. “Come on, close your eyes and fucking do it. Do it harder.”

Hoseok closes his eyes, moaning shamelessly, and the following shiver sends another tweaking pull to his nipples.

“I said fucking harder,” Changkyun huffs, and Hoseok adjusts his grip, moving his hand so fast and heavy, he knocks his head back against the wooden backrest because he’s going to fucking come any second. But it’s the sudden silence filled with Changkyun’s panting and little moans, that makes Hoseok’s longing so unbearable. He groans when his muscles finally contract, bending him forward, and it bursts out of him in heavy waves.

“So fucking beautiful,” Changkyun whispers while Hoseok is stroking himself through the orgasm.

Breathless and completely high from the ride, Hoseok chuckles. “Did you enjoy the show?” He leaves his limp member aside and spreads his fingers over his abs, dipping them into his cum. “Would you like some encore?” He smears the cum all over his belly and further up his chest, making sure to catch a good angle on screen.

“Lick it,” Changkyun moans. “I want you to lick it off your hand.”

Hoseok switches back to front camera, and if he could, he'd be hard again within seconds because Changkyun is watching him with half closed eyes, biting his lips, silently asking him to push him over the edge, and Hoseok is more than willing to comply. 

He smears cum all over his lower lip, and Changkyun closes his eyes with a deep yearning sigh.

“Uh-uh, baby, stay with me. Look at me,” Hoseok demands, waiting for Changkyun to open his eyes again before licking the cum slowly off his lips. Changkyun whimpers sweetly, and Hoseok goes further, sliding two fingers into his mouth, sucking the remaining orgasm off them with a hum of pleasure, while the memory of his climax is still tingling in his loins. He pushes his hand further into his mouth until he's almost choking, closing his eyes in all effort to avoid his gag reflex. That's when Changkyun comes with a hiss.

“Fuck,” he groans, and the angle of the camera drops, leaving Hoseok with only the audio of Changkyun's release.

“You okay?” Hoseok asks, when Changkyun sinks back into his chair, holding the camera steady again.

“Mhm,” Changkyun replies, visibly fucked and breathless.

“I'll put you aside for a minute while we clean up, okay?”

“Mhm, sure.”

With his phone lying on the blanket, Hoseok reaches out to grab the towel at his feet, wiping the mess off his body. He sinks back into the cushions with a sigh and throws the towel off the bed, grabbing his phone, but Changkyun has already disconnected the video mode. Hoseok can’t help but feel a little disappointed. 

“Hey, you still there?” he asks, after putting the phone back to his ear.

“Yeah, I'm here.”

“Listen,” Hoseok says, sinking further into the pillows, feeling so very heavy all of a sudden. “Those twenty boyfriends of yours, that was just a joke, right?”

Changkyun snorts. “Yeah, it's actually not that many.”

“Don’t tease me. It'll bother me.” He’s playing with his fringe again, a nervous tick.

“Hyung, don’t worry” Changkyun says, his voice suddenly so soft that Hoseok wants to wrap himself in this so very needed promise of safety. “There's nobody else. It's just you.”

“Mhm,” Hoseok hums, still feeling uneasy, no matter what Changkyun says because it’s the distance that’s bothering him. Because all those phone calls and sex talks and hand jobs might be nice, but still, they’re starving him to death while he’s yearning so bad for the real deal. 

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

“Mhm, I’m just wondering if you’ll still be calling me hyung when we finally meet in real life,” Hoseok says, trying to make his voice sound light while pulling a strand of hair away from his face.

“I don't know. Maybe.”

“We could find out, you know. Like, next week.”

“What do you mean?”

Hoseok hesitates. He’s been trying to talk to Changkyun about this for far too many days now, never finding the right timing. Maybe this isn’t it either, but it’s too late to stop now.

“My agency sends me to Seoul,” Hoseok mumbles, curling a few strands of his fringe around his finger. “For some castings, and if I manage to get a job, I can sign with their headquarter and move to Seoul…”

There's only silence on the other end.

“What I'm trying to say is that we could meet next week and if it's not too much maybe you could let me crash at your place and we'll just see how it goes?”

Still nothing.

“Babe?”

“I…,” Changkyun sighs. “ Can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm really tired right now and I still need to go through this manuscript…”

“Okay…”

“I'm sorry, I just… We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Call me, then.”

“Okay, bye.”

Hoseok throws his phone aside, rubbing his face. Has he been too greedy? Fuck. 


	2. Chapter 2

It's past 11 p.m. the next day, and Changkyun is sitting on his couch with a pen dangling from his mouth and another manuscript in his hands. For the past two hours he wasn’t able to focus on his work, but his eyes would repeatedly look at his phone on the coffee table, and still, he couldn’t bring himself to call Hoseok. He just didn’t know what to say, and that’s obviously bullshit because he knows exactly what needs to be said. The thing is, he can’t just go like _hey, hyung, yeah, let's meet, but just so you know, when we get all hot and heavy, you might stumble upon an additional hole, so, please, don't freak out, and by the way, please, don't touch_. 

Changkyun sighs, spitting the pen out and throwing the manuscript onto the table. He leans back on the couch, rubbing his eyes. He really doesn’t want to have this conversation, especially not with Hoseok. 

Because Hoseok has been his resort, his alternative universe, a place where Changkyun is nothing else but a man. Not a trans man, not a man with a v, just a man. This online relationship has wrapped him in a dream like a bubble, and he’s been avoiding every needle on the way, including outing himself.

And it wasn’t necessary at first. He wasn’t looking for anyone or anything when he found Hoseok. He didn’t expect them to become anything else but online buddies, gaming through long nights on lazy weekends, but there was something about Hoseok, about his childish laughter and the mature things he said, that made Changkyun contact him outside of games. The talking then turned into flirting, and the flirting led quickly to sexting but still, it was all just harmless fun. Until it suddenly became something serious, and he missed the right timing to out himself way too many times. Shit. 

Changkyun reaches out for his phone, swiping over the screen, hesitating. He knows Hoseok deserves the truth. It’s not the kind of thing that can be sweeped under the carpet. It’s information that Hoseok needs to fully understand what it means to be with him. It’s information that Hoseok needs to decide if he really wants to be with him. The problem is, it’s also the kind of information that turns into a secret if not shared in good time, and keeping a secret like this for too long can be easily interpreted as lying. Changkyun is scared of Hoseok accusing him of lying, and he knows damn well it’ll be worse the longer he waits, but still. Talking about it, admitting to Hoseok that his body is different, that he will always need some kind of aid to fuck him, that using dildos is not just a game for him, that he actually... Fuck. He can’t. He just can’t. 

It’s the reason he stopped dating a year ago, so very much in need of a break from this constant outing himself, cutting off his own dick over and over again.

“I’m trans,” he would say on his second date with a nice guy he met through friends.

“So, you’re actually not a man?” Fuck you.

I’m trans,“ he would say right from the start to the guy he knew from grindr.

“So, that means, you don’t have a dick?” Fuck you, too.

“I’m trans,” he would breathe into the mouth of a hot dude, pressing him against a wall in a nightclub.

“So, can I fuck your pussy?” FUCK YOU. 

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

He throws the phone back on the table and lies down on the cushions, facing the backrest, and his mind is ready to spiral down the fancy roller coaster of his dysphoria when the sudden vibration of his phone on the wooden plate makes him jump.

With a sigh he reaches back for it, ready to apologize to Hoseok for not calling tonight, but Hoseok sent him a selca with a cute pout on his lips. _Are you still working? I miss you._

Why is this man so gorgeous? Changkyun just stares at the photo, suddenly unsure what to reply. 

Hoseok sneaked into his life and stole his heart without effort, being just the sweetest flirt, so smart and sexy, and needy, so beautifully needy, Changkyun couldn’t resists. He still can’t fucking resists. But before Changkyun can collect his thoughts to reply, Hoseok sends another selca. 

_One of my five boyfriends. At least this one is taking really good care of me._ He’s in bed, licking the tip of a purple colored dildo. 

_Asshole_ , Changkyun snorts silently. Sitting up, he presses the call button on his screen.

“Mhm?” Hoseok hums, answering the phone.

“Am I disturbing you sucking off that pretty boyfriend of yours?”

Hoseok hums again, adding a moan as if he's licking the most delicious candy, and it works so well, flipping the switch. Changkyun gets hard. 

“Too bad your mouth is so busy,” he says, sliding his hand over the bulge in his pants, and for fuck's sake, it feel so good to feel that nice dick there. It's worth all the fucking money. “I would love to hear what else that boyfriend likes doing to you.”

Hoseok doesn't answer, teasing Changkyun with another moan. He can imagine Hoseok's pretty lips around that purple dildo, running up and down the shaft, and he wants to see those lips sucking a cock between his own legs so bad, the pressure in his pants grows too heavy. He gets up from the couch.

“I bet he likes to fuck your pretty ass,” Changkyun adds, walking into his bedroom. He opens the drawer of his nightstand and throws a tube of lube and a pleasure rod onto his bed. “Would you like me to help you stretch that sweet hole of yours before we push that purple beauty into you?” 

“I'm already wide open,” Hoseok breathes. “I'm just waiting for you to join, baby”

Changkyun groans. He never wanted to fuck someone so bad in his life. “Give me a second.”

Putting Hoseok on speaker, he makes himself comfortable on the bed, pushing his pants down and pulling his dick out through the front hole of his tight trunks. 

“Hurry,” Hoseok moans. “I'm so fucking ready, my ass is leaking lube down my balls.”

“You’re such a cheat” Changkyun growls, sticking the pleasure rod into his dick, hardening the shaft and adjusting the other end against his sensitive growth. “Holding up your ass so nicely for that purple friend of yours.”

“Don’t be silly, baby. I'm holding it up for you, just for you. And now hurry and fuck me.”

Ah, god, Changkyun is so fucking hard, his growth is throbbing against the soft base of the rod because Hoseok is fucking killing him. 

“Put it in, slowly,” he says with a drop of lube in his hand, spreading it over the head of his dick, stroking it slowly down the shaft. They both moan.

Changkyun can hardly keep himself from moving his hand again, but first, he needs those sweet moans filling his head, so he puts the phone back to his ear.

“Tell me how it feels with that dick inside you,” he exhales, stroking his cock once more to test the position of the rod against his junk, and it's good. It's so fucking good. Changkyun is biting his lips.

“I feel so full,” Hoseok moans. “You fill me up so good, baby. Now move.”

And Changkyun moves his hand, stroking his dick in a slow pace, pressing his hips up into his fist every time he reaches the base. He feels so hard and fucking big, so amazing. He wants to bury himself so deep inside Hoseok, so fucking deep.

“Deeper, fuck me deeper,” Hoseok pants as if he’s reading Changkyun's mind, and Changkyun groans, adding more pressure to the strokes.

They both breathe their moans into the phone, and the friction starts to build up the sweetest itching, forcing Changkyun to increase the pace of his hand.

“Let me pound you so hard the neighbors will hear you” he breathes, and Hoseok, the fucking love of his life, doesn’t shy away from this request but increases the volume, begging him very vocally for more, begging him not to stop.

“Please, fuck me. Hit me harder. Uh fuck, this feels so good, baby. I’m so close.” 

Changkyun isn’t far behind, fucking into his fist, stroking his fucking amazing dick. He’s almost there. He just needs another push. 

“Tell me,” he pants. “Tell me you’ll come all over the sheets. I need you to tell me.”

“Ah, shit, I’m comi-,” Hoseok groans. “All over the blanket. Uh, fu- I can’t stop... spilling it all over the bed. It’s so much, I- uh god, can’t stop.”

And the orgasm washes over Changkyun like a massive wave, contracting all his lower muscles. He presses his dick hard against his growth, twitching against the rod while moaning through the release. It's trembling through his entire body before he can sink back into the cushions with a sigh.

For a moment there’s only silence.

Hoseok chuckles. “I’m glad I still know a few tricks to summon you.”

Changkyun snorts. “You could’ve just called first, you know?” He pulls the pleasure rod out of his dick.

“I was scared you wouldn’t pick up.”

“Why wouldn’t I pick up?” Changkyun mumbles, poking the mattress with the rod in his hand.

“I don’t know. You tell me.” 

Silence again.

Hoseok sighs. “Listen, baby, if you don’t wanna meet next week, just say so. It’s okay. I don’t wanna pressure you if you’re not ready.”

“No, I wanna meet,” Changkyun mutters. “I’m just… I…” 

_I'm trans_ , he needs to say to the only man who's been treating him like an equal when they're intimate, and that man is going to respond what?

He sighs, surrendering to all the unsaid words that get stuck in his throat, and the high from jerking off crumbles with another look at the stick in his hand.

Changkyun is not ready to find out. He’s not ready for Hoseok’s reaction. He’s not ready for the usual questions, or even worse, for Hoseok’s empathy or rejection. He’s not ready to be seen as anything less than he feels to be by the man he fell in love with, by the only person he needs to see him as the man he is. 

And he’s suddenly thrown back to his childhood, when he’s just five years old, asking his mother when his penis would start to grow.

“You’re a girl, sweety. Only boys have penises.”

“Then, how do I become a boy?”

“You can’t, honey. That’s not how things work.”

Yeah, that’s not how things work. Because even now, twenty years later, as a full grown man, he’s still here, forced to admit to every fucking person he wants to have sex with that he hasn’t been assigned male at birth. What a fucking joke that he has to fall in love with the one person he didn’t brief about this. It’s not funny at all.

“We’ll take it easy, okay? No expectations,” Hoseok says softly, and Changkyun closes his eyes, pressing the phone closer to his ear.

“Things might change,” Changkyun murmurs.

“I would bet all my four other boyfriends that it’ll get just better,” Hoseok replies with a grin in his voice, and Changkyun snorts. 

_Let's not say the three big words until we meet irl_ , Hoseok had once texted him, and Changkyun agreed, knowing very well that there was something else he had to say first. And right now, he's glad for that rule holding his tongue because even though he's still working on saying that something else, he would just blurt out those three words like a fool and make everything worse.

Instead, he switches the phone to his other ear. “Tell me when and where to pick you up.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kudos and comments are more than appreciated. I would feel really lonely without them, so thank you!

Hoseok steps out of the train, shouldering a large bag and looking through the crowds to find the one face he's been dying to see. 

The flutter in his belly that has been tickling his insides since the moment they had whispered “see you tomorrow” to each other last night, has grown into full nausea the second his destination had been announced on the train. He really wouldn’t mind a fast forward right now. Because the train station is so busy and full of people, there’s no sight of Changkyun, and Hoseok’s heart drops a little lower towards the floor every second he doesn’t recognize Changkyun’s face in the mob of strangers. He starts to feel like a puppy left on the sidewalk, looking for his owner to come back and pick him up, but Changkyun is still nowhere to be seen, and the nausea is replaced by a hollow notion he tries to swallow down before it can reach his thoughts. Because of course it has crossed his mind before. The fear that maybe, for some reason, Changkyun won’t show up, and that he will be forced to spend the night all alone in a hotel room, wondering if anything these last couple of months had been real at all. 

It felt real. 

It must have been real.

But where is he?

Hoseok reaches for his back pocket to grab his phone while watching a couple passing by when his eyes suddenly skip to the figure leaning against a pillar near the staircase, and his heart stops.

He thought he was prepared, but he’s not prepared at all. 

It’s too real.

There’s no screen filtering Changykun’s radiance, nothing to save Hoseok from the sudden revival of that flutter in his belly, and most importantly, there’s nothing to keep the distance between them. He can just go over there and touch him. But how is he supposed to go over there when his legs might give up, when his heart is not working properly, when he’s falling in love once again because with Changkyun it’s always love at every sight. Over and over again. 

Hoseok still remembers the first selca Changkyun had sent him months ago. With his raven black hair and a hand covering half of his face, there was a teasing grin at the corner of his mouth, and Hoseok knew instantly that this man would become a danger to his heart. He couldn’t help but feel intrigued.

And even now, seeing Changkyun with his gorgeous blond hair and his hands in his pockets, scanning the train station with his gaze so calm and collected as if he couldn’t care less, Hoseok feels so fucking intrigued, it’s almost painful. He can hardly stop himself from clutching his chest.

But then, their eyes meet.

And Hoseok is suddenly so very much aware of every cell in his body, pulsing with his heartbeat, tingling in his fingertips. If only his legs would do what he wants, would finally move forward, but Changkyun fucking smiles at him, and Hoseok’s legs are mush again.

Fuck.

It’s not fair. 

This is cheating. 

Someone needs to ban Changkyun from this game. He shouldn’t be allowed to play it like that. Hoseok has no chance of surviving, and he’s falling again, so fucking deep, there is no ground. 

There’s just Changkyun pushing himself off the pillar, coming closer, and Hoseok is suddenly so desperate to touch him, so very desperate to finally assure himself that all this time this gorgeous man hasn’t been just a dream, that what they have is real. 

Finally, Hoseok’s legs start moving, closing the last gap between them. He lets the bag fall to the floor and instantly reaches out, cupping Changkyun's face.

“Hey,” Changkyun says, lifting his cheeks further against Hoseok’s palms, and his skin is so soft. It can’t be real.

“Hi,” Hoseok grins, drowning himself in Changkyun’s eyes, which turn out to be so much brighter in daylight. They can’t be real.

“You’re here,” Changkyun whispers.

“Yes, I am,” Hoseok replies, finding the eyebrow piercing exactly where it needs to be, where he wants to kiss it so bad, where he needs his lips to go as soon as he got a taste of Changkyun’s mouth because fuck, Hoseok doesn’t even dare to look at these pretty lips for too long. He shifts his gaze back to Changkyun’s eyes, just to be safe, but what is safe when you can’t stop falling for this man.

“You're real,” Hoseok exhales, stroking Changkyun’s cheeks with his thumbs, almost sure it’s true.

“Yeah,” Changkyun replies without looking up. He just keeps his eyes lingering on Hoseok’s lips, and it’s not fucking fair. He’s cheating again, making it so much harder to behave. Hoseok can’t help but want to lean in. He wants it so bad, and it’s crazy because he could. He really could lean in and kiss him. Just like that. Because the frame is gone, and Changkyun is real. They finally met, and the rule doesn't apply anymore.

“I love you,” he whispers, unable to hold it in any longer, he's been already holding it in for too long.

Changkyun looks up, meeting his eyes, but his smile is gone. He pulls at Hoseok's arms. “We're in public,” he mutters, turning his head out of Hoseok's hold.

“Right,” Hoseok says, letting go of him. “Sorry,” he adds, swallowing down the loss between his hands, but Changkyun already reaches down for his bag.

“Are you hungry?” He asks, lifting it up.

Hoseok tries to take the bag out if his hands. “You don't have to-”

But Changkyun pulls it over his shoulder nonetheless. “I know I don't have to, but you're my guest, and I'm well-mannered.”

“I’m your-” _boyfriend_ , Hoseok almost huffs, but holds his tongue because he promised to go easy, and maybe he already fucked up. So he just sighs instead. “I’m hungry, yes.”

“Alright. But let's eat out,” Changkyun says, leading Hoseok out of the train station. “I can’t cook.”

“I know,” Hoseok snorts, relieved that Changkyun doesn’t seem too affected by what’s been said earlier. “I remember your story about the burned ramyeon.”

“And I remember reading that you’re only into people who can cook ramyeon well.”

“You’ve been stalking my old blog,” Hoseok grins.

“I just do my research before flirting with old men,” Changkyun smirks, pushing Hoseok around the next corner into a concrete building. They walk through a door into a staircase.

“And still, it didn’t stop you,” Hoseok says, following Changkyun up a flight of stairs.

“That statement dismissed me before I could show off my other skills. You know I’m competitive.”

“Your ego must be glowing now.”

Changkyun snorts. “Like the sun.”

They leave the staircase and enter a parking lot. Changkyun pulls a key out of his pocket and there’s a beeping sound, followed by a flash up of headlights in front of them.

“You have a car,” Hoseok states, just now realizing where they are.

“Yeah.” Changkyun opens the trunk and stows Hoseok’s bag away.

“You didn’t tell me you have a car.” Hoseok opens the passenger door.

“So what,” Changkyun says, joining him inside.

They buckle up, and Hoseok leans back with a huff. “You should’ve told me you have a car.”

“It’s just a car,” Changkyun replies, starting the engine.

“But I had this image of you commuting to work by bus...” 

It was actually more like a fantasy, and they would meet there in the back seats of said bus. Changkyun would whisper dirty things into his ear while sliding his hand under Hoseok’s bottom, knowing exactly where he wants his fingers to go without the other passengers noticing. But that’s something Changkyun doesn’t need to know, not when Hoseok very obviously needs to slow down. He can feel his cheeks getting hot.

“So now I’m commuting by car. Does it make a difference?” Changkyun asks, focused on leaving the parking lot.

Oh, yes. Because look at him, being all handsome and in charge of a fancy vehicle. Hoseok can’t decide if he wants to suck his dick or get his own ass eaten, but his fantasy is definitely going wild right now because the options are different now and so much more...

“It changes everything,” Hoseok exhales, looking out of the window, hoping his arousal stays hidden.

“It’s just a car…,” Changkyun mutters, speeding up the engine on the street.


	4. Chapter 4

Changkyun is fucked. Completely and utterly fucked. Because Hoseok is just… wow. 

And Changkyun was melting in his hands, was losing his consciousness in those honest brown eyes. Never in his life did he feel his bones turn into liquid this quickly, and Hoseok was scooping him up, was holding him so safely in his palms. Changkyun was so ready for those lips, ready for Hoseok to take a sip, so very ready for Hoseok to make him his that he must have heard wrong.

“I love you” is what he thought to hear, but that can't be right. Hoseok was whispering, and the train station was busy. There was an announcement sounding from the platform across, and Changkyun must have mixed it all up. But still, it woke him up from his trance, and he put distance between them because he wasn’t allowed to forget himself in Hoseok’s arms. He had promised himself to be fair, to reveal all the cards before letting Hoseok decide if he’s still playing. 

But apparently a small thing like a car can “ _change everything_ ”, and Changkyun lost his appetite. He’s just staring at the bowl in front of him, stirring the food.

“Hey,” Hoseok says, nudging Changkyun’s thigh with his knee, and Changkyun looks up into worried eyes. “Everything okay?”

No. Changkyun sighs, leaving the spoon in the soup. “Yeah,” he replies, rubbing his eyes. “I’m just tired. Work’s been busy and I didn’t get much sleep.”

“Maybe that’s because you’re on your phone all night.” Hoseok hides a smirk with a spoonful of soup.

Changkyun snorts, leaning back and crossing his arms. “Well, there’s this perv keeping me up with his dick pics. What can I do?”

“Mhh,” Hoseok hums, running the empty spoon over his lower lip. “Why don’t you just block him?” He pushes the spoon into his mouth, licking into the shallow side of the head, and the room temperature must have increased.

Changkyun pulls at the zipper of his hoodie. “I don’t know. I could. But then, it’s actually a nice dick,” he smirks.

“Worth staying up all night?” Hoseok grins, and Changkyun is very much aware of Hoseok’s knee still touching his inner thigh. It's tingling on his skin, moving up towards his crotch, and Changkyun bites his lips. Because fuck, yes. All those nights have been always worth it. 

Hoseok has always made him feel so good, so fucking amazing, whispering sweet words into his ear, telling him how he'd suck his dick and make him groan, how he'd be ready for Changkyun to fuck him good, how he'd want Changkyun's dick deep and deeper up his ass, and holy fuck, Hoseok's ass is really fine, so fucking fine. Changkyun got a good glimpse, walking behind him while entering the restaurant. God, he wouldn't mind tapping that in the restroom stall right now. But he'd take his time, fingering him open so nicely. Hoseok’s sweet moans for once wouldn't feel like a cold surface but hot breath would hit his ear...

Uh, shit. Changkyun wants that. He wants to grab Hoseok by his shirt and pull him into a dark corner, wants to make it real. But real would mean that Hoseok would sooner or later push his hand against Changkyun's crotch and wonder why he's still not hard… Changkyun suddenly feels punched in the guts.

“Do you need to work tonight?” Hoseok asks, pulling his leg away.

“Mhm. I need to make some phone calls and edit a few pages,” Changkyun replies, avoiding Hoseok's eyes, watching the waitress walking by with a plate of food.

“You take too much work home,” Hoseok says, sipping from his bowl.

“I’m just too lazy at the office,” Changkyun mutters, leaning forward and stirring his soup again.

Hoseok snorts. “I don't believe you. You're a workaholic.”

True. But this morning he wasn’t functioning at all, spacing out so much that he didn’t even notice all those paper balls Jooheon had been throwing at him until one of them hit his nose, and he was suddenly faced with a mess on his desk. But still, he was so beside himself, he couldn’t care less about Jooheon laughing at him. He just took the manuscript he was supposed to be working on and got up from his chair.

“I’m going home,” he said, shouldering his bag.

“What?” Jooheon almost jumped up from his desk. “You serious?!”

“I’ll call you later.”

“No, dude! The deadline!” 

But Changkyun just left the office with no room in his mind for a deadline. There was only Hoseok and a nervous tingling, making him so restless he was walking in circles at home until he finally left for the train station an hour early. But that’s something Hoseok doesn’t need to know.

“What about you?” he asks instead. “When’s your first casting?”

“Tomorrow. I need to be somewhere in Jongno at 12.”

Changkyun snickers. “What a life.”

“Shut up,” Hoseok huffs, nudging Changkyun’s leg again. “You’re the one with a car.”

“Mhm.” Changkyun plays with the sprouts in his soup.

“Still, you shouldn’t have declined that model scout back then. Maybe we’d be going to the same casting now.”

“I doubt that.” He wouldn’t even take his shirt off for a jackpot full of money while Hoseok mostly applies for sports- or underwear jobs. So, no. Highly doubtful.

“What agency was that again?”

“Starship,” Changkyun snorts in a bitter tone.

Back then he had been just a few months on T and still binding his chest. He might have looked like the perfect flower boy but his dysphoria was still killing him on a daily. Besides, all those agencies and entertainment companies have already vastly suffocating policies for cis people. Who knows what transgender idols are going through. Changkyun really didn’t feel the need to find out.

“They’re big. I wouldn’t mind signing with them,” Hoseok says. “Why haven’t you? I still don’t get that.”

“Because I’m...” _trans_ , Changkyun almost blurts out, startling himself. He looks up at Hoseok who’s still anticipating his answer, but Changkyun can’t bring himself to finish that sentence, although he knows it’s time. It’s long overdue. It’s now or never.

“I h-have to tell you something,” Changkyun tries again, leaning back on his chair, so very much in need of the distance, and there’s a tremble starting in his legs. “I’m… It's... I-” but there’s suddenly noise filling the restaurant.

A group of people chooses to occupy a table right next to them, and Changkyun closes his mouth, clenching his fists.

“What’s wrong?” Hoseok asks in a worried tone, and it just makes everything worse.

“Nothing,” Changkyun replies. “It’s nothing.” He leans forward and continues to stir his food, breathing into the sudden nausea. His pulse is beating in his ears.

“Hey.” Hoseok puts his arm on the table, offering him his hand and a gentle smile. “Are you really okay?”

No, he's not okay, and he doesn't know how to make things okay when the timing is never right, when all he wants is to take Hoseok's hand and be okay. But he can't. Not here. Not like this. He doesn't even know what to say, and Hoseok takes his empty hand back.

“Sorry,” Hoseok mutters. “We're still in public, right?”

“Mhm.”

“Wanna show me your apartment, then?”


	5. Chapter 5

Changkyun is entering the code to his apartment, and Hoseok is worried that he might’ve actually forgotten about him, that maybe for some reason he got so lost in his thoughts he’s not even aware of Hoseok’s presence anymore. Maybe Changkyun just went home on autopilot without realizing there’s still someone in his tow, that Hoseok is still strolling after him while they both haven’t said a word after leaving the restaurant.

Especially since Changkyun had turned the radio on during the car ride, silently asking for some space, and Hoseok understood, grasping Changkyun’s nature well enough to know that he sometimes just needs a moment to collect his thoughts. Hoseok couldn’t blame him. They’ve met just a few hours ago, and everything might’ve been a little much, for both of them, because even Hoseok felt overwhelmed, and he didn’t mind leaning towards the window to his right, sinking further into the car seat while watching the scenery passing by. He would’ve even closed his eyes for a moment if he wasn’t so determined to distract himself from this restless notion in his guts.

Because from the moment the three big words had left his mouth, Hoseok couldn't shake off the feeling that Changkyun has been distancing himself, that he’s been showing discomfort every time Hoseok was initiating physical contact, that he preferred to change the subject every time their words got too intimate. It felt like Changkyun was keeping up a wall between them, and it wasn’t just for the benefit of discretion. 

But maybe Hoseok really went too far, blurting out his love too fast. It just so naturally slipped out of his mouth, lightening his heart, that he didn’t even realize it could be something heavy for the beloved one, that it could put weight on Changkyun’s shoulders, so much that he felt the need to take a step back. But still, Hoseok hopes that it’s just the first day, that Changkyun will step forward again as soon as they warm up to each other, that whatever Changkyun was trying to tell him in that restaurant won't put all the weight back onto Hoseok’s heart.

Because he already feels lost, watching Changkyun entering the apartment, vanishing inside without a word, and Hoseok isn’t sure if he’s allowed to follow, if he’s still welcome when Changkyun hasn’t reached out even once, when Hoseok needs Changkyun’s hand so very much to pull him in because he can’t make this step alone. It’s just too big, and the relief is almost painful when Changkyun returns to the front door, looking at Hoseok with a frown on his face. 

“What are you doing? Are you a vampire? Do I need to invite you in, or what?”

Hoseok chuckles. “Maybe I am a vampire. What do you know? I’m just a stranger from the internet. Shouldn’t you be more careful?”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “Come on in,” he says, and this time Hoseok follows him inside, scolding his heart because Changkyun's nonchalance would pull him in everywhere, and maybe it's Hoseok who needs to be more careful, who needs to withstand that shiny glamour, but he still can't help it. He's just so head over heels for this man, he wouldn’t mind being bitten, and he sighs silently, taking his shoes off while Changkyun brings him a pair of slippers.

“You want some water or something?” Changkyun asks, walking into his living room towards a small kitchen unit.

“No, I’m good,” Hoseok replies, noticing stacks of books everywhere. “You’re a book hoarder.”

Changkyun pulls a bottle of water out of the little fridge and opens the cap. “I’m working in book publishing. This is still minimalistic.” He leans against the counter, taking a sip.

“Mhm,” Hoseok smirks, just barely able to detach his eyes from Changkyun's frame, finding three more boxes in front of an overfilled bookshelf. “Minimalistic, indeed.”

Changkyun snorts. “You can make yourself comfortable, but I have a deadline tomorrow and still need to finish some stuff. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, don’t mind me,” Hoseok says, spotting a PS4 controller on the coffee table. 

He won't pressure Changkyun into talking. They still have three nights to figure this out. “I’ll be on the couch if you need me,” he adds with a smirk because he recognizes the black synthetic leather from several video chats, several really nice and dirty video chats, and Changkyun must also remember some of those because when Hoseok turns his gaze back to him, Changkyun chokes on his water, and it’s kind of cute. Maybe he’s just shy in real life. Hoseok grins.

“I’m- I’ll be at my desk, then,” Changkyun coughs, heading towards his work space next to the couch.

“Alright,” Hoseok chuckles, finding his bag at the front door, searching for his sweatpants.

When he returns from the bathroom, Changkyun is already occupied at his desk. He's wearing headphones, and Hoseok recognizes the faint beat from the playlist Changkyun had once shared with him, a playlist Hoseok has been listening to over and over again because it wrapped his heart so nicely with an unbearable yearning for the love of his life, and it almost brings him down to his knees, the realization that the music is playing and Changkyun is within reach, that he’s just a few steps away, nibbling his pen while turning a page. It makes Hoseok drop onto the couch with the biggest sigh, and he feels weirdly vulnerable.

Because offering Changkyun his heart on a plate, just waiting for him to take it, is one thing, but wearing sweatpants in his apartment, wishing he would join him on the couch, feels like a whole other level of intimate. Hoseok has been fantasizing too much about this. About how they would casually sit on the couch, teasing each other like they always use to do, until Changkyun would finally snap, asking Hoseok to take his shirt off. The shiver is running down his spine so fast, he can’t help it but feel the excitement in his groin, and he sighs again, grabbing the ps4 controller from the coffee table.

While watching random videos on youtube, he must have fallen asleep because the next thing he’s aware of is Changkyun’s hushed voice pulling him out of a deep blackout.

“No, you can’t come over. Stop freaking out.”

Hoseok opens his eyes to a dimmed room, realizing the TV is switched off, and there's a blanket covering him. He pulls it off his shoulders when turning onto his back.

“I know it's late. I'm almost done, okay?”

Changkyun is still at his desk, leaning back on his chair and holding his phone at his left ear. Hoseok feels odd listening to Changkyun talking to someone else on the phone, in a casual manner at that. It just never really came to his mind that Changkyun, of course, is interacting with other people besides him. It makes him feel silly.

He puts an arm behind his head and watches this unfamiliar scene with a strange uneasiness in his chest.

“Alright, honey, I call you later. - Yeah, bye.” Changkyun hangs up, putting the phone on the desk before rubbing his eyes with a sigh.

“Rough day?” Hoseok ask, keeping his tone low.

“You could say that,” Changkyun snorts, turning towards Hoseok. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”

“Don't know. Who's honey?”

“My co-worker.”

“Why do you call them honey?” Why does he have to pull every word out of his mouth?

“There was this aegyo thing a few years back,” Changkyun smirks. “Long story short, he digged his own grave. Everyone calls him that now. Are you jealous?”

“Yeah, I want you to call me pet names, too.”

“Like what? Bunny?” Changkyun laughs, getting up from his chair, and Hoseok pulls his legs back, making room for Changkyun to sit down on the couch, and the uneasiness turns into a tingling.

“How about yeobo?”

“We’re not married,” Changkyun says, leaning back.

“Not my fault,” Hoseok replies, sitting up and propping his head with his arm on the cushions.

“Are you proposing?” Changkyun chuckles.

“Sure,” Hoseok grins, encouraged by the glitter in Changkyun’s eyes. He can feel his thigh at his toes.

Changkyun keeps his gaze on Hoseok, not retreating. "We're still in Korean," he says.

“We could elope to America.”

“How romantic, until we’re both jobless and without health care.”

“I wouldn't let you starve.”

“I almost believe you,” Changkyun snorts. “What? Why are you still grinning? We're not eloping.”

_Because I love you, and you're back to normal, and I'm stupidly happy about that._

“Because I'm fascinated by the bright light of your beauty,” Hoseok says instead, his grin still growing, initiating phase two of his little couch fantasy.

“You asshole, I regret showing you that poem,” Changkyun huffs, nudging Hoseok’s knee.

“No, honestly,” Hoseok laughs. “I wasn’t prepared for you to be this handsome.”

“You saw me a million times on video chat.”

“The camera didn't do you justice.”

Changkyun chuckles. “Look who's talking. You're the professional model here.”

“Does that mean you like what you see?” Hoseok asks, and Changkyun’s eyes darken dangerously, making Hoseok bite his lips because he wants him to snap so bad, and he could swear that Changkyun was coming closer, leaning in. So Hoseok is daring enough to initiate phase three, sliding his foot out of the blanket and further up Changkyun’s thigh, teasing him towards his crotch.

But Changkyun suddenly looks alarmed. “Wait, no,” he say, pushing Hoseok’s foot off his thigh, getting up from the couch. “It’s late. I’m tired.”

What?

“Why don’t you go wash up, and I prepare the couch for you.”

“The couch,” Hoseok repeats, watching Changkyun escape into his bedroom. He lets himself fall back onto the cushions, pulling the blanket over his head. What the-?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you still reading this? Thank you so much ;A;
> 
> I'm really struggling here because I want to write them finally happy and smooching but Changkyun is not ready, yet...  
> BABY, PLEASE TELL HIM HE'S SO INTO YOU MY HEART IS ACHING.


	6. Chapter 6

Walking into the office, Changkyun drops a stack of paper onto Jooheon's desk, making him jump.

“Dude,” Jooheon huffs, grabbing the manuscript with one hand, his chest with the other. “Stop scaring the shit out of me.”

“But it's fun,” Changkyun snorts, taking off his shoulder bag, sitting down at the desk next to him.

“Yeah? Just as fun as almost missing a deadline?”

“I finished the edit in time, so calm down.”

Jooheon doesn't need to know how much Changkyun has been actually struggling this time, how hard it has been to focus while the most handsome man was sleeping on his couch. A man who's been teasing his mind for months before suddenly giving him all the heart throbbing feels by just napping right in front of him, by falling asleep with his mouth slightly open, and Changkyun couldn't stop staring at those gorgeous lips, still wondering how they would feel like, how this pretty mouth would taste like. He could hardly prevent himself from leaning in and stealing a kiss. But instead, he pulled the controller out of Hoseok's hands, and his fingers were brushing against warm skin, making the urge to join Hoseok on the couch almost unbearable. Changkyun felt the need to cuddle up behind him and bury his nose in the crook of Hoseok's neck because the vampire was definitely Changkyun here, yearning for the sweetest bite. But still, it’s his heart that’s so very much in danger here, turning too soft to handle this sight, and it was the moment when Changkyun was covering Hoseok with a blanket, that he knew deep down to his bones that he really wanted this. Him, on that couch, in his bed, as a part of his life. Changkyun hates himself so much for panicking again, for literally pushing him away, when it was the exact opposite of what he really wanted. When all he really wanted was to-

Changkyun blinks when something hits his face.

“Earth to Changkyun,” Jooheon says, balling up another piece of paper.

“Can you not throw your garbage at me?”

“Can you react when I’m calling you?”

Changkyun growls, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “What do you need?”

Jooheon shoves the manuscript back onto Changkyun’s desk. “I need you to do your fucking job right.”

“What's wrong with it?” Changkyun skims through the first few pages.

“The question is: what's wrong with you? Your notes are sloppy, and you missed spelling mistakes.”

Fuck. “Sorry, give me an hour to fix that.”

“Mhm,” Jooheon huffs. “You're weird these days. Problems with your boo?”

Changkyun snorts. “Please don't say boo.”

“Then what? Bae? Lover? Significant other?”

“Shut up,” Changkyun says, amused about Jooheon’s attempt to keep his sexuality hidden. He knows that Changkyun doesn’t want the whole office to know that he’s gay. But still. “Can you say none of those?”

“Then, how are things with your FRIEND?”

“Can we not talk about my life at work at all?”

“So, you're having a drink with me after work?”

“I can't…” 

“What do you mean you can't? You're a hermit in a long-distance relationship. You never have plans except heeee,” Jooheon inhales sharply. “YOU HAVE A VISITOR!”

“Shhhh!” Changkyun jumps up.

“THAT’S WHY I WASN'T ALLOWED TO COME OVER LAST NIGH--”

“SHUT UP,” Changkyun presses his hand against Jooheon's mouth while giving a strained smile to some co-workers turning their heads.

“Alright, alright,” Jooheon mumbles into his palm, and Changkyun removes his hand.

“So what's the problem?” Jooheon whispers, rolling his chair over to Changkyuns desk. “Did you finally meet and the sparks are gone? That’s rough, dude.”

“No,” Changkyun sighs, grabbing his pen from a pencil cup. “There’s something I didn’t mention from the start and now it’s biting my ass.”

“What is it?”

“None of your business.”

“None of my- DUDE, I almost called you brother once! Good thing I did hold my tongue, though! You’re breaking my heart!”

“Shut up” Changkyun hisses. “You call me bro every time you’re drunk!” He kicks Jooheon’s chair, pushing him back to his desk.

“Not anymore. I’m recruiting someone new,” Jooheon says, standing up. He’s looking through the room until he spots his target entering the office. “Kihyun-ssi! Bro! What’s up?!” He earns a furrowed brow.

“Honey-ssi, stop playing and finish your work. We have a meeting in two hours,” Kihyun grumbles, taking his chair at the other end of the room.

“See? What a good bro, reminding me of my duties,” Jooheon states, sitting back down.

“Okay, have fun,” Changkyun says, shifting his attention to the text in front of him, but Jooheon rolls over to his desk once more.

“You’re not telling me because it’s a weird kink, right?” He whispers.

“What the- no, it’s not- I’m not, urgh,” Changkyun growls. “I have work to do. Leave me alone.”

“Alright, alright.”

If Changkyun’s problem was a fucking kink, he wouldn’t have a problem at all. Because Hoseok never questioned his obsession with cum. On the contrary, he enabled Changkyun so much, that he’s even more into it than before. 

Changkyun still remembers the day years back when he bought a prosthetic that could ejaculate with a squeeze at the head and fuck, Changkyun never jerked off so good, so often until it hurt. He just refilled the dick over and over again with a starch water mix to shoot the cum all over his stomach while cuming so fucking hard. It felt so right. Exactly how it was supposed to feel, and as much as he loves watching Hoseok cum all over himself, what Changkyun really wants, what he really needs is cuming himself all over Hoseok's back, all over his nice ass. God, that beautiful ass… he wants to lick his cum off that ass so bad… 

Another paper ball hits his head, and Changkyun smashes his pen down on the desk. “What now?” 

But Jooheon just makes a face, pointing at his phone in front of him. So Changkyun pulls his own phone out of his pocket, and finds a text message from Jooheon waiting for him. Of course.

_You sure you don't wanna talk about it?_

_I actually know_  
_That I don't wanna talk about it_  
_To anyone_

_Is it important?_  
_What happens if you don't tell him?_

Fuck. Changkyun feels nauseous. He's been so busy panicking about what might happen when he tells him that he never really thought about what might happen if he doesn't.

_We'll break up_  
_I guess_  
_…_

_Bro_  
_Calm down_

_I'm trying_

_I might be gay for Yoo Kihyun_

_WHAT_

_:’)_

_Are you joking?_

_When he calls me honey_  
_It makes me feel things_

_You're so stupid_

_Can you blame me?_

_No, he's hot._

_Thanks, I knew I'm not crazy._  
_Do you think I have a chance?_

_He's married_

_And I'm not really gay_  
_But you know_  
_Just in my head_  
_:’)_

_Pls spare me with your fantasies_

_Only if you finish that manuscript_  
_Before the meeting_

_Then stop distracting me_

Several hours later, Changkyun enters the apartment with mixed feelings twisting his insides. He can hear voices coming from the TV in his living room, and it would give him a nice excited tingling if it wasn’t for the heavy nausea that’s suddenly overwhelming him.

“Hey,” Hoseok smiles as soon as Changkyun enters the living room. “How was work? You look pale.”

“I’m exhausted,” Changkyun replies, dropping himself next to Hoseok on the couch. His hands feel shaky. “How did the casting go?”

“Not bad. I got the job and met some old friends in the fitting room.”

“Congrats,” Changkyun says, keeping his gaze on the screen. 

Hoseok leans back. “Listen, my friends asked me to meet them later in a bar to celebrate and catch up. Would you be up for that?”

“I'm really tired actually...” Changkyun replies, his chest beating so hard, it's difficult to focus.

“Okay,” Hoseok says with the remote control in his hand, switching the program. “I’m fine with staying home. Can we order something to eat? I'm starving.”

“Sure, but… Hyung,...”

“Mh?”

“We need to talk…”

Silence.

“About what?” Hoseok asks, his voice suddenly hard and distant.

Changkyun crosses his arms to hide his shaking hands. “About u-us…”

Hoseok sighs. Turning the TV off, he slides the remote onto the coffee table. “I don't wanna hear it,” he says, rubbing his face.

“What?”

“I'm not ready to hear it.” He stands up. “Forget the food. I'm not hungry.”

Changkyun stands up as well. “Hyung, please let us talk.” He wants to grab Hoseok's arm but Hoseok just moves away.

“Kyunah, I can't do this right now, okay?”

“Where are you going?” Changkyun asks, watching Hoseok putting on shoes and grabbing his jacket.

“I need some air. You don't have to wait up for me.” Hoseok closes the door behind him, and Changkyun is left alone in silence.

He doesn't hesitate to pull out his phone, but he's shaking so hard, he can hardly hit the buttons, and still, for a second he almost presses down on Hoseok's name because that's the person he needs right now, the person he misses the most. But his online love is gone, and the realization feels like a slap to his face. He calls someone else instead.

“Honey, can you come over?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about this chapter for more than five reasons, but it is what it is...

When Hoseok returns to the apartment around noon the next day, he’s sure Changkyun is still at work. He just wants to take a quick shower before heading out again to meet Hyunwoo for lunch. They had a test shooting this morning in a beach themed setting, and Hoseok didn’t even have to touch the sand with any other body part besides his feet, but still, it feels like there’s sand everywhe-

“Hey,” Changkyun’s deep voice pulls Hoseok out of his thoughts, and his heart instantly drops seven floors below his feet, and shatters. He hasn't been prepared to catch it.

“Hey,” he replies, swallowing down the growing lump in his throat while squatting down to his bag on the floor, digging for a fresh shirt. “Thought you’d be at work.”

“Home office,” Changkyun says from his desk. “I was sick this morning.”

“I see.” Hoseok doesn’t want to look up. He just keeps digging in the bag, digging deeper.

“Where have you been?”

Hoseok pushes his shorts from one end to the other. “Casting in Yongsan.”

“No, I mean last night.”

“In a bar... With friends.” And he should've just drowned himself in alcohol there. It would've been better if he had just passed out somewhere along the way. It would've saved him from the rest of the night, but Hyunwoo was there, sitting beside him at the bar, taking away the much needed liquor from him.

“Here,” Hyunwoo had said, sliding a coke in front of Hoseok. “You’ll thank me tomorrow morning.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Hoseok muttered, trying to get his whiskey back because Hyunwoo didn’t know how much his heart was aching, how the disappointment was eating his insides, how much he needed something to shut down his thoughts. It was impossible to explain. “I’m not going anyway,” he just added, reaching for his old drink, but Hyunwoo just took it further away.

“You’re going,” Hyunwoo stated, pushing Hoseok’s hand away. “Even if I have to drag you into that damn fitting room myself. You’re not going to jeopardize your career because you’re fighting with your boyfriend.”

Boyfriend. Hoseok swallowed, feeling lost all of a sudden. He wrapped his fingers around the coke in front of him just to have something to hold onto because he wasn’t even sure if there still was a boyfriend to be fighting with. “We’re not fighting,” Hoseok sighed, staring into the dark liquid in his hands.

“Then why would you think he wants to break up with you?”

_Because I blurted out my love for him, making him feel uncomfortable, and got literally shoved away when showing sexual interest._

“I don’t know,” Hoseok replied, taking a sip from the coke, remembering there wasn’t a drop of alcohol in it, nothing to numb the nasty sting of rejection that was still so very present in his chest.

“To be honest,” Minhyuk said, propping his head on his elbow next to Hoseok. “I don't understand how you could get so serious about this. You fell in love with some online persona, and now you're disappointed because you can't transfer it one-on-one into real life?"

“It felt so real,” Hoseok sighed again. “I honestly thought it was the same for him. I was so sure he feels the same…”

“Maybe he’s just shy,” Hyunwoo tried.

“Or maybe he's been catfishing you,” Minhyuk threw in.

“If he was catfishing him, he wouldn’t have let him into his apartment.”

“He might’ve just lured him in for the sex.”

“God, I almost wish,” Hoseok muttered, pushing the coke away, as well as his disappointment because Changkyun very obviously didn't even want the sex. 

“Hyung, if you’re just looking for dick, I’d volunteer mine,” Minhyuk grinned and almost fell from his chair when Hyunwoo pushed him. 

“You’re not helping,” Hyunwoo huffed. 

“What, I was joking. I’m just trying to cheer him up!”

“Can you do it in a way that actually helps?”

“Like what? Telling him that this might be just a misunderstanding and they’ll be fine? We don’t know that. He needs to go back and find out.”

Hoseok let his head drop onto the table.

“I know, I know,” Minhyuk said, rubbing Hoseok's back. “But right now, you're hurting yourself over something that didn't even happen yet. Go home and talk to him and if the worst case happens, call us and I'll make sure Hyunwoo hyung doesn't take your booze away, okay?”

Hyunwoo snorted. “I wanna see you try.”

“Who’s the one not helping right now,” Minhyuk huffed at him.

“Letting him drown in alcohol won’t help him either.”

“No, but the hangover might feel worse than the heartbreak. That’d be a win.”

“That’d be the first step into alcoholism.”

Minhyuk groaned, but Hoseok groaned louder.

“I’m going,” he said, standing up.

“Where?”

“Getting my heart ripped out,” he added with a strained smile.

“That's the spirit,” Minhyuk exclaimed, raising his fists. “Fighting!”

Hoseok snorts at the memory. He throws all the stuff back into his bag, finally looking up because he should be able to face the man who broke his heart, but he quickly looks away again, because fuck.

Changkyun is so handsome. He’s still making Hoseok's heart skip so many beats, he doesn’t even know how he’s still alive, and it makes him so sad, so fucking sad.

“You didn’t come back,” Hoseok hears Changkyun say, and he sighs.

Because he did. He actually did came back, ready to listen, ready to talk, ready to save whatever needed to be saved. But the moment he left the elevator, heading towards Changkyun’s apartment, his body froze on the spot. 

Because the door to Changkyun's place suddenly got opened and a stranger stepped out.

The unfamiliar man was closing the door very carefully and quietly before heading towards the elevator, zipping up his hoodie on the way, and Hoseok quickly turned away, pretending interest in the apartment next to him until the stranger walked past him into the elevator. And when Hoseok looked once again to where the elevator just closed its doors, he didn't want to think what he was thinking. He didn't want all those thoughts rushing into his mind, taking over. Hoseok had to start telling himself over and over again that Changkyun had promised. He had promised there was nobody else.

But still, Hoseok's hands were shaking while entering the code to Changkyun's place. It took him two trials until the door finally opened, and he still couldn't enter. Because he didn't want his heart being hit by the cold, by the sharp pain he was expecting to find behind that door. He didn't want to find Changkyun undressed, or half-dressed, or sleeping in his bed while the empty spot next to him was still warm. God, Hoseok wouldn't be able to survive that. He didn't want to die like that, and the relief of finding Changkyun asleep on the couch, fully dressed, saved Hoseok from a breakdown.

He sat down in front of Changkyun on the edge of the coffee table, pushing two glasses aside. There was an almost empty bottle of gin next to him, and Hoseok wondered how little he knew about the younger’s habits. It felt so strange to see him passed out on the couch, although Hoseok had already seen this pretty face sleeping before, once or twice, when Changkyun fell asleep while they were video chatting in the middle of the night. But without the screen between them Changkyun looked so much younger and precious. He was curled up around his phone like a puppy, and Hoseok didn’t know that there was actually some space left to love this man even more. But here he was, leaning forward and stroking these beautiful strands of hair as if it was some kind of otherworldly gold.

“Baby,” Hoseok whispered, but Changkyun didn't react.

“Hey, babe,” he tried again, still caressing his hair.

“Mh?” Changkyun hummed, not really awake yet.

“Let’s get you to bed,” Hoseok said, reaching for Changkyun's phone to put it on the table, but Changkyun was suddenly holding onto Hoseok's arm.

“Come to me,” Changkyun mumbled, pulling at the sleeve. “Sleep with me.”

And Hoseok's hope was gone. 

Because Changkyun wasn't talking to him. This couldn't be meant for him. Changkyun was drunk and not fully awake. He must have thought his visitor was still there. It wasn't just a friend, for fuck’s sake, and Hoseok pulled his arm away.

“I’m not him,” he whispered. “He left already.”

“He's gone?”

“Mhm.”

Changkyun whimpered, curling further up as if he was hurt, and maybe that was the moment Hoseok's heart finally broke.

He stayed, though, caressing Changkyun's hair, trying to comfort him as best he could until the younger fell fully asleep again. And when Hoseok finally left the apartment, he felt unexpectedly calm.

He always thought heartbreaks would feel more dramatic, overly painful, that he'd fall onto his knees, clutching his chest and crying his eyes out because he wouldn't be able to take it. But he didn't. He felt nothing. 

He took a stroll through the night before falling asleep in a hotel room. He got up in the morning, went to the casting, was joking with his friends, made plans for the day. It was only Changkyun's “hey” that woke him up from his trance, and he suddenly noticed how hard it is to breathe.

“I saw him,” Hoseok exhales, sitting back on the floor. His body feels too heavy because his stomach is full of stones.

“Saw who?”

“Your… friend. Leaving your apartment.”

“Okay? Am I not allowed to have friends?”

“You can do whatever you want,” Hoseok sighs, driving a hand through his hair, still not looking at him. “Just be honest with me. I know that you…” Hoseok's voice breaks.

“That I what?” Changkyun asks. “I've been here all night. Where the heck have you been?”

“Doesn't matter,” Hoseok mutters, avoiding Changkyun's eyes.

“Doesn't matter…” Changkyun huffs. “Alright, fine!” He gets up from his chair, and Hoseok finally looks up.

“What are you doing?” he calls after Changkyun when he watches the younger walk into the bedroom. “Don't you have something to tell me?”

Changkyun stomps back. “So now you're ready to hear it?!”

“How am I supposed to be ready for that when it’ll end everything we had?!”

Changkyun turns pale.

“Fuck you,” he whispers. 

He slams the door to his bedroom shut, and Hoseok is left alone, still sitting on the floor, clutching his chest. Because maybe now the pain is finally coming.


	8. Chapter 8

God, Changkyun is so angry. He needs to swallow down the frustration before it starts blurring his sight, before it can make him go back into the living room, throwing it all into Hoseok’s face. 

Because fuck him. For leaving. For not coming back. For the hollow feeling in Changkyun’s guts when he startled awake in the middle of the night just to find out that it was already dawn, that he was still on the couch, still alone. It nourished the faint memory of a dream he must have had, a dream that was still filling his insides with a heartbreaking loss, and Changkyun couldn't bear it. He grabbed his phone, getting up from the couch. There was still no text from Hoseok, but maybe, god, please maybe, Hoseok just didn't want to wake him up, sleeping in Changkyun’s bed. _Please, please, please let me find him in my bed._

But Changkyun was hesitating, opening the door slowly enough to brace himself because of course, Hoseok wasn’t there. And Changkyun felt sick. He didn’t go back to sleep and neither to work. He’s been waiting while a hangover and the emptiness of his apartment were fucking up his mood.

And so, it took him all the effort to stay calm while asking Hoseok where he had spent the night, listening to words that sounded a lot like far-fetched jealousy and not receiving an answer at all. _Where the fuck has he been?_ It made Changkyun feel stupid for waiting, for trying to figure this out, for mustering all his courage to finally lay everything on the line, while Hoseok on the other hand… He has already decided for the both of them that it's going to be the end. 

Fuck him.

Changkyun is so damn angry. But mostly at himself. Because Jooheon was right, of course.

“You can't blame him,” he had said while pouring another round of gin into their glasses. “You’ve been all lovey-dovey fucking online and now that you've met in real life there's suddenly nothing.”

“I don't think I need to apologize for not fucking him on the first night,” Changkyun replied in a bitter tone while taking a sip from the refill. It was his third glass, pushing him over the edge of tipsy into fucking finally drunk.

“No, but you can use your mouth for more than just eating ass,” Jooheon smirked, already drunk himself. “You know, you could’ve just said something like ‘yo, darling, you’re hot and stuff, and I wanna definitely bury myself into you, but I need more time to process.’”

Changkyun snorted into his drink. “Is that what you’re telling Yoo Kihyun in your dreams?”

“Shut up, dude,” Jooheon huffed. “This is not about me. It’s about you and how you exiled the man of your dreams onto the couch for whatever reasons. Like, that poor guy probably thinks you’re not interested in the real deal.”

“But I want the real deal” Changkyun sighed, rubbing his face. “I want it so much it’s actually freaking me out.”

“Then just tell him, man.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to do, but he ran away.” It’s almost funny. Changkyun wants to choke on his drink.

Jooheon snorted. “I can imagine. You can be really bad with words at times.”

“Shut up. It’s not easy, okay?”

“Then practice with me. You can be clumsy here and when you’re future husband returns, you’ll sound eloquent as fuck.”

Changkyun snickered. “Yeah, right, thanks for the offer, but this really is none of your business.”

Jooheon groaned. “How long do we know each other?” His tone gets suddenly serious. “Is it three years already? You’ve been my brother from the start and I love you, man.”

“Is it already sappy bro speech hours?” Changkyun snorted.

“No, listen, what I’m trying to say is that whatever is bothering you is in fact my fucking business, alright? And I can see that you’re suffering. So, dude, honestly, just fucking talk to me. I promise I won’t freak out even if it’s some nasty kind of kink, alright?”

“I told you it's not a kink,” Changkyun groaned.

“Alright, alright. So? What is it?”

_Fuck it._

“I'm trans,” Changkyun said, gulping the remaining gin down, hissing at the burn in his throat, while Jooheon choked on his drink for a split second. 

“Didn’t see that coming,” he coughed. “But okay.”

Changkyun narrowed his eyes. “Okay, what?”

“Okay, I understand why he needs to know before you get grabby. Are you afraid he might not… like it?”

“It’s complicated,” Changkyun replied. “I tend to feel like shit after coming out, so maybe I’ll be the one not liking it.” He definitely needed another refill.

“Oh, I’m sorry? Are you okay?” Jooheon asked, passing him the bottle.

“Yeah,” Changkyun exhaled, trying to relax while pouring the alcohol into his glass, refilling Jooheon’s as well. “It was worse when I was still living at home. You know, small town and shit. But after a few years on T and moving to Seoul it got better. I just still have difficulties when it comes to dating. It just still feels like, the moment I drop my pants I’m losing my whole identity, and god, I don’t wanna lose that in front of him.” 

“Sorry, dude, to be honest, I don’t know what to say. It must be rough,” Jooheon said nipping at his glass.

“Yeah,” Changkyun sighed, thankful for Jooheon keeping his promise not to freak out. It made Changkyun almost feel safe enough to tell him more, to talk about the bullying in high school, how he's been constantly forced to prove himself to others, to himself, all the shit he- “Can we please change the topic now? I think I’ve practiced enough.” He was still too sober for that.

“Fine, but just so you know, your big dick energy is huge. I mean honestly massive. I bet you know how to use that and your boyfriend will definitely like it. No doubt from my side.”

“Thanks,” Changkyun snorted. “And yeah, to be honest, I know how to properly fuck someone, so…” He raised his glass to Jooheon, and laughed at him for choking again.

“You know who else is resonating big dick energy?” Jooheon coughed.

“Please, don’t say Yoo Kihyun.”

“Yoo Kihyun!”

Changkyun groaned.

“This might be my gay awakening. I’m not kidding,” Jooheon said. “Come on, dude, kiss me. I need to know if I’m into guys or not.” He spread his arms, smootching the air audibly.

“Fuck off, man,” Changkyun chuckled, turning around, pushing his foot into Jooheon’s chest, holding him at bay while the other was still pressing his weight forward. “Bros don’t kiss, you pumpernickel, and I have a boyfriend.”

Jooheon drops his arms. “Did you just call me your brother?”

“Something like that and a pumpernickel.”

“Can you call me hyung?”

“You wish!” Changkyun shoved him lightly.

Jooheon laughed, leaning back, and Changkyun dropped his leg onto Jooheon’s thigh, laying down onto the cushions with a sigh.

He closed his eyes, and they stayed silent for a while, until Jooheon got serious again. His arm relaxed on Changkyun’s shin. 

“Kyunah,” he said.

“Hm?”

“Just be the best possible version of yourself, and be it without regret. This life is too short to focus on the things we can’t have or couldn’t achieve, or people’s shitty opinions. Just do your best and be proud of the result. Otherwise the best fucking thing that ever happened to you might just be slipping out of your hands because you’re too busy with feeling sorry for yourself.”

“Mhm,” Changkyun just hummed, while following his own train of thoughts.

But Jooheon's words pop back into Changkyun's mind the moment he drops himself onto his bed, the frustration still lingering in his guts. He honestly needs to calm down and go back, talk it out, because he really doesn't want Hoseok to slip out of his hands. He wants to hold him tight, and he wants Hoseok to hold him in return.

Changkyun groans into his pillow.

Then, his phone suddenly goes off. It's Hoseok.

What the.

Changkyun sits up.

“Why are you call-” - _ing?_ He wants to ask, but he's silenced by the sniffling on the other end.

“Hyung, are you crying?” Fuck.

“Kyunah, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

“Wha- Why are you apologizing?”

“Because I promised to take it easy, but I couldn't, and I'm really sorry.”

“Hyung, what ar--”

“Kyunah, please, just listen for a second. I honestly thought…” More sniffling. “Ah, it doesn't matter what I thought. I know that you don't feel the same, and god, I'm not gonna lie, it fucking hurts... Because I'm so into you, I'm still so fucking into you… I’m sorry. I'll back off, I promise, just give me some time to survive this. I just need to figure out how to survive this. I don't wanna stand between you and… him, but please let’s stay friends. Please, let us stay friends at least.” Hoseok sobs into the phone, and Changkyun's heart breaks.

“Hyung, I don't want us to be friends,” Changkyun says, unable to grab a coherent thought because fuck, is this what Hoseok has been thinking all this time while he's been running circles around himself? That he doesn't feel the same?

“Okay… I'm s-sorry. Give me just ten minutes. I'll pack my stuff and-”

Fuck. No.

“No, hyung, listen-”

“Kyunah, no, it's alright, don't-”

“Hyung!”

“Please, just-”

Why doesn't he fucking listen?!

“Hoseokah!” Changkyun exclaims.

Silence.

“Seokah…”

“Don't… p-please, don't…” 

“There is nobody else.”

Silence again.

“Okay…,” Hoseok whispers as if he's too tired to argue.

“I promise,” Changkyun exhales. “I've been just a coward, and didn't know how to tell you that-”

“You wanna break up?”

Changkyun sighs, rubbing his face. “No, I don't wanna break up.” 

“Then,... I don't understand…”

“I'm trans,” Changkyun says with his heart suddenly beating in his throat.

“What?”

“I'm transgender, and I didn't know how to tell you. I'm sorry, I didn't wa-”

Hoseok hangs up.

He just fucking hung up.

Changkyun stares at his phone, completely startled, the cold heat of panic slowly bubbling up in his guts, rushing to his head, so loud it's deafening. His sight gets blurry.

But there are suddenly warm hands, palming his cheeks, lifting his gaze.

“Baby,” Hoseok whispers. “Do you love me?”


	9. Chapter 9

“There is nobody else,” Changkyun said, and Hoseok was so tired. So very fucking tired even his tears gave up on him, and he was just lying there on the couch with his arm covering his eyes.

“Okay,” he whispered back because there was no point in arguing about this. It didn’t really matter anyway. It was time to admit to himself that he failed again. That once again he hasn’t been able to keep the person he wanted by his side because it’s always been like this. He’s always been attracting people with his face and body but he could never make them stay. It has never been enough to make them stay. They’re always playing with him until they feel bored, until the sex doesn’t mean anything anymore, and he’s the only one foolish enough to take things seriously, to be surprised and get hurt when they leave. But he couldn’t even be angry at Changkyun for this. He just couldn’t. Their relationship hasn’t been real from the start. Nothing of it has been real, and Hoseok felt so stupid for thinking that. For hoping that Changkyun was different, hoping that what they had was finally different from everything he’s known before, but it’s not… 

“I promise,” Changkyun exhaled. “I’ve been just a coward and didn’t know how to tell you that-”

“You wanna break up?” There was no point in dragging this out. Hoseok wanted it over, and Changkyun sighed.

“No, I don’t wanna break up,” he replied, and it didn’t make sense.

“Then,... I don’t understand…”

“I’m trans,” Changkyun suddenly said, and Hoseok must have heard wrong.

“What?”

“I’m transgender, and I didn’t know how to tell you. I’m sorry, I didn’t wa-”

Hoseok hung up.

He acted on instinct.

He doesn't even remember how he got into the bedroom, but he's now sitting in front of Changkyun, palming his face.

“Baby, do you love me?” he asks because the hope is back, and he needs to know before he's making the same mistake again.

But Changkyun doesn't answer, looking at him through teary eyes, and Hoseok doesn't know what that means. It could mean anything and nothing.

“Do you love me?” He whispers once more.

“Is this the first thing you want to know after I just came out to you?” Changkyun asks, his voice almost shaking.

“I’m sorry. I just… I know that you can teach me... whatever being trans means to you… but I don't kno- I can't breathe... if you leave me hoping. Please,” Hoseok's voice breaks. “Do you love me?”

Changkyun closes his eyes. “Mhm,” he hums, watery drops glittering through his pretty lashes, until he blinks his eyes open again, tears quickly sliding down his cheek. He’s looking at Hoseok as if he’s truly the only one. “I love you,” he says, his voice so deep and clear, it makes Hoseok almost whimper. Because it feels real again, and Hoseok pulls their lips together.

It’s way too harsh for a first kiss, but Hoseok is desperate to feel more of this, desperate to crush the distance between them, and Changkyun forgives him willingly, sliding his arms around Hoseok’s neck, pulling him in, needing him so much closer, their teeth almost collide, and it’s still not enough. But at least, it’s real. It’s finally fucking real. Hoseok can finally feel Changkyun’s lips, soft and warm, pressed against his, wanting him, demanding entrance, and Hoseok moans, letting him in, losing himself completely the moment their tongues touch. It’s such a sweet taste, so warm and wet, it’s shooting straight into Hoseok’s groin, hardening his dick, but it's Changkyun who moans, leaning forward and climbing onto Hoseok's lap. Hoseok's hands are instantly cupping his ass, pulling him closer onto his aching pelvis before his hands are sliding under Changkyun's shirt, pressing him even closer.

“Let’s talk,” Changkyun breathes, his hands buried in Hoseok's hair. 

“Mhm,” Hoseok hums, shifting his lips from Changkyun's mouth further right to his ear, and he can feel Changkyun's body shudder in his arms. Good lord. “Is there a quick intro?” he asks, kissing his way down to Changkyun's neck.

“There are rules,” Changkyun replies, his hands searching for the hem of Hoseok's shirt, pulling it up.

“I'm listening,” Hoseok breathes onto Changkyun's skin, making the younger shiver once more, and Hoseok is already addicted. 

“Rule number one,” Changkyun says, swallowing down a moan. “Don't touch my front hole.”

“Mhm, got it.” Hoseok lifts his arms for Changkyun to pull off his shirt.

“God,” Changkyun inhales completely distracted, his hands gliding over Hoseok's chest, before he suddenly pushes Hoseok down to the sheets, still straddling his lap, and Hoseok groans, feeling Changkyun's weight on his dick.

“What's rule number two,” he asks already breathless, suppressing the need to roll up his hips, and Changkyun leans down, cupping Hoseok’s left nipple with his lips, licking and sucking over the sensitive spot while Hoseok buries his hands in Changkyun's soft golden hair.

“There is none,” Changkyun breathes against the wet skin, and it's Hoseok's turn to shiver.

“What, no more rules?”

“Not for you.”

Hoseok chuckles. “Why, am I special?” 

Changkyun takes Hoseok’s nipple between his teeth and pulls, making Hoseok hiss, arching his back while his cock twitches up hard. Holy fuck.

Changkyun hums, licking his lips. “Yeah,” he just replies. His left hand has long found its way to the waistband of Hoseok's jeans, fumbling at the button, and his mouth is wandering south while he’s sliding back down between Hoseok's legs.

And Hoseok feels so hot all of the sudden, so completely unprepared. He didn’t even shower, yet. He didn’t- Fuck. He pushes himself up on his elbows.

“Wait, I need a shower, I've been working and the sand-”

“The what?” Changkyun chuckles, sitting up, opening Hoseok’s pants.

“The sand,” Hoseok groans, watching Changkyun tucking the jeans further down before lowering his mouth over the bulge in his trunks.

“So you want me to stop?” Changkyun asks, running his nose over the clothed shaft, his lips nibbling on the fabric. 

“God, no” Hoseok exhales, dropping back onto the sheets. He wants more, so much more. Fuck the shower. “Just don’t mind the sand…”

Changkyun snorts. “Okay.”

He slides down the bed, taking Hoseok’s jeans with him, coming back for his trunks. But Hoseok stops him again, holding him in place with his thighs. His heart is beating too fast.

“Wait-”

“Seokah,” Changkyun sighs. “If you don't want this, then, just say so. We don't have to-”

“No, I want this. It's just- You’re still fully clothed, and I’m… I’m nervous to be naked in front of you, okay?” He covers his face with his arms, hiding the blush on his face. It doesn't matter what they did over the phone. This is their first time after all, isn’t it?

There’s a long moment of silence, and Hoseok fears he killed the mood, but Changkyun’s voice is gentle.

“Seokah,” he says, letting go of Hoseok’s trunks, and Hoseok lowers his arms, watching Changkyun suddenly taking off his shirt.

“Okay?” he asks, sitting in front of Hoseok, his chest naked, and Hoseok can see his scars. He can feel him shaking.

“Okay,” Hoseok replies, his voice nothing but a whisper, his heart suddenly trembling.

Changkyun's hands are back at the waistband of Hoseok's trunks, freeing his dick, sliding the fabric down his legs. The intimacy is aching in Hoseok's chest, and he lets Changkyun take off his socks as well...

“What the-?” Changkyun suddenly huffs. “Why's there fucking sand on my bed?!” He looks at Hoseok as if he hasn't been warned.

“I’ve warned you,” Hoseok snorts, sitting up. He helps Changkyun brushing it off. But it’s fucking sand.

“Now we need to change the sheets,” Changkyun mutters.

Hoseok leans back on his elbows. “Wouldn’t we need to change them anyway?” he snickers.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you stripped me naked and didn’t plan on making me come all over your bed?” Hoseok pouts. “I’m sad.”

Changkyun snorts. “Turn around and I can still make that happen.”

And Hoseok does. He turns around, looking at Changkyun from over his shoulder, something sassy on his lips. But he doesn’t get around saying it because Changkyun is staring at his ass, and Hoseok’s dick twitches against the mattress, remembering what they were about to do, what they can actually do because it’s finally fucking real.

“We’re not on the phone, baby,” Hoseok reminds him in a shy whisper. “You can fuck me if you want.”

And Changkyun looks up into his eyes, sending a shiver down Hoseok’s spine. “Give me a minute,” he replies. “Don't look until I'm back.”

So, Hoseok turns around, resting his head on his arms. His heart is beating up to his throat while he's listening to the rustling at Changkyun's nightstand. Something drops beside him, and there's another quiet moment of Changkyun being busy. It gives Hoseok goosebumps, and the moment he feels Changkyun’s weight coming closer, feels him hovering above him, Hoseok’s nipples turn hard, pulling at his skin so strongly, it makes him almost hiss. But as Changkyun lowers himself on Hoseok’s ass, it’s a moan that escapes his throat because holy mother of cocks, he can feel that clothed dick hard between his cheeks, and he wants it. He fucking wants it. His back arches up instantly, asking for more, and Changkyun rolls up his hips, challenging Hoseok’s tailbone. Hoseok moans again.

“Glad you like my dick,” Changkyun says, pressing his chest against Hoseok’s back, kissing his neck.

“Let's skip the foreplay,” Hoseok breathes. “We had six months of that.”

Changkyun chuckles into Hoseok’s ear. “I wouldn’t mind eating your ass first, though,” he whispers, giving Hoseok’s goosebumps fucking goosebumps.

“God, Kyunah, you can eat it tomorrow for breakfast. I need your dick inside me now.”

“I love it when you’re needy,” Changkyun breathes, sucking at Hoseok’s shoulder, moving his hips again.

Hoseok groans. “Don’t make me beg.”

“Don’t worry. That’s not my kind of kink.” He says, sitting up. “Lift your hips.”

And Hoseok does, feeling the air hitting his taint, his dick heavy between his legs.

“Hyung, did you shave your ass for me?” Changkyun’s hand is running over the cheeks, sliding further down, cupping Hoseok’s balls, and Hoseok can feel another blush warming his face.

“No,” he replies, thankful they’re not facing each other, and Changkyun snickers.

“Liar,” he says, massaging Hoseok’s testicles, licking over the rim. 

“Uh, what are you doing? Didn’t we just- uh god, Kyunah.” Hoseok feels the twitch up to his core. 

“I can’t resist,” Changkyun hums, sucking at Hoseok’s entrance, his tongue wetting the taint. Hoseok moans, fisting the sheets, arching his back a little more. Thank god, he did shave. He did in case this was an option and uh fuck, he’s so glad it is. It feels so fucking good.

He groans when Changkyun grabs him by his thighs, pulling him closer onto his face. There's saliva running down his taint, and Changkyun's tongue breaches the rim. “Fu-uh-ck,” Hoseok moans, his dick growing painfully heavy.

But the warmth vanishes quickly. Instead, Hoseok flinches when cold lube is hitting his entrance, followed by a finger entering his anus, instantly heating his core.

“More,” Hoseok moans. “Give me more.”

And Changkyun adds another finger, moving in and out of him in a steady pace. Hoseok's mind is blown with need. He lifts himself onto his arms, rutting back quicker, wanting it deeper. He's spreading his legs wider, and Changkyun has mercy on him, adding a third finger, pumping them all up Hoseok's ass, while he's hovering over Hoseok's back.

“I'm ready. I'm fucking ready. Just fuck me. Fuck me now,” Hoseok pleads.

Changkyun withdraws instantly, pulling his dick out of his trunks, and Hoseok hears him opening a condom package. A moment later there's more lube cooling his hot entrance before the tip of Changkyun’s dick pushes slowly in, and they both groan.

“God, Seokah,” Changkyun breathes, pulling out just to push in again but much deeper, brushing Hoseok’s sweet spot, making him curl his toes with another moan, and the next repetition is even better, followed by another one but faster, and faster until they’re both rocking into each other, their bodies smacking against each other. Hoseok can’t help but moan louder, his skin shivering from his own voice, and Changkyun leans forward, grabbing Hoseok’s leaking dick, smearing the precum all over the head before he starts stroking the shaft with the rhythm of his hips. Hoseok feels like bursting, his cock growing so fucking big and heavy...

“Kyunah, I’m going to- uh, fu-” He groans, spilling into Changkyun’s fist, dripping it over the sheets, and Changkyun groans as well, quickly grabbing Hoseok’s hips with both hands, thrusting harder, pushing himself over the edge, grinding out his orgasm in a slow and heavy motion until they both collapse panting, avoiding the wet spots on the sheets.

Hoseok chuckles. “Now, I definitely need a shower.”

But Changkyun just rolls away from him, sitting up, fumbling with his trunks, and Hoseok turns onto his back, propping his head up on his arm, watching his back.

“Are you okay?” he asks, reaching out, caressing Changkyun’s spine.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Changkyun replies toneless, putting his dick aside, wiping his hands on a tissue from the nightstand.

Hoseok sits up, stroking his shoulders. “You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m just- just don’t…,” Changkyun’s voice breaks. He sniffles.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Hoseok puts his arms around Changkyun, pressing him against his chest.

“It’s just- I’m not-”, Changkyun sighs.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No, it’s me. I’m not who you thought I would be,” Changkyun sobs, and Hoseok feels him crumble in his arms, so he just holds him tighter.

“You are everything I wanted you to be.” 

“You’re disappointed.”

“Why would you say that?”

“You’ll go home and never call me again.”

“Don't.”

“But it’s true,” Changkyun sniffles, trying to free himself from Hoseok’s hold, but Hoseok doesn’t let him.

“It’s bullshit. Why would you say that?”

Changkyun gives up, leaning against Hoseok’s chest. “You didn’t say it back.”

“What?”

“I told you that I love you, and you didn’t say it back.”

“Kyunah,” Hoseok says while forcing Changkyun to turn around before palming his face. “I told you two days ago.”

Changkyun sobs, closing his eyes, and Hoseok brushes his thumbs over his cheeks, trying to wipe away the tears. 

“Even if you did, you said that to someone else. This is the real me, and you’re disappointed. It’s fine. Just go.”

“Look at me,” Hoseok says, waiting for Changkyun to open his eyes again. “There’s nothing about you disappointing me. I love you. I don’t wanna be anywhere else but with you.

“Then, where have you been last night?”

“You pushed me away. I thought you want someone else…”

“But I told you so many times, there’s only you. I want you.” Changkyun reaches out for him, putting his arms around Hoseok, and Hoseok pulls him into his lap, pressing him tightly against his chest.

“I believe you,” Hoseok whispers, caressing Changkyun’s hair, kissing his shoulder while the younger is sobbing into his neck. “So, please believe me, too.”


	10. Chapter 10

It's late on a Friday night when Changkyun is still sitting at his desk, flipping a pen around his fingers, trying to focus on the written words in front of him, but it’s honestly hard. His mind keeps distracting him, sends him flashbacks from a few days ago when he was lying on the couch, watching TV with Hoseok behind him.

“I can’t focus,” Changkyun had said because apparently that’s the constant state of his mind since Hoseok took over his real life six month ago.

“Why, what’s wrong?” Hoseok’s arm was resting on Changkyun’s waist, switching channels with the remote control in his hand.

“I want you to suck my dick,” Changkyun replied already hard between his legs. He kept his gaze fixed on the screen, trying to ignore the heavy heartbeat in his chest. Because he wasn’t talking about his prosthetic. 

He actually stopped wearing his STP around Hoseok several weeks ago. They’ve been fucking so often, it became a real bother to constantly switch between his packer and the dick he’s using for sex, so he just left his trunks empty for the time outside of bed and somehow got used to it. 

He somehow got used to feeling bare around Hoseok, for better or worse because there haven’t been only good days. But Hoseok was patient with him, offering him a safe space Changkyun never had before, and on good days, Changkyun felt safe enough to let go, to enjoy Hoseok’s hand between his legs, for it to cover his growth, moving in circles… 

That day on the couch was definitely a good day, and Changkyun had moaned, opening his legs a little more, pressing his back against Hoseok’s chest while Hoseok leaned forward, running his lips over the tingling skin of Changkyun’s neck.

“Seokah, I need you to- uh,” Changkyun moaned again. He wasn’t used to this, was still too sensitive when there was nothing inorganic between his sweet spot and Hoseok’s warmth. Fuck, it felt so nice, so fucking good.

Hoseok hummed, pushing the waistband of Changkyun’s pants further down. “Take them off.”

And Changkyun did, leaning forward, kicking all the fabric off. Hoseok slid down from the couch, pulling Changkyun’s hips to the edge, one of Changkyun’s feet touching the floor, and Hoseok didn’t hesitate to press his mouth between Changkyun’s legs, licking over the aching front. The sudden wetness was shooting pleasure into Changkyun’s core, tilting his pelvis.

“God, yes,” he breathed, arching his back.

Hoseok pressed his tongue harder against Changkyun’s dick, circling his movement before using his hands to push at the skin, adjusting the angle. He slid his tongue under the head, closing his lips around it, and Changkyun was losing his mind with a groan, using his feet to press himself further towards Hoseok’s mouth, and Hoseok pushed his hands under Changkyun’s hips, pulling him closer onto his face, taking more of Changkyun into his mouth.

“Uh, fu-,” Changkyun groaned. “Bob your head,” he breathed before looking down, and it was too much.

Changkyun swallowed hard, throwing his arms over his face, biting himself. The orgasm was already pulling at his core. God, it felt so good. “Uh, fuck. Seokah- ah-”

Changkyun’s phone makes a sound, jolting him out of his thoughts. He finds himself back at his desk, missing Hoseok with an urgent yearning between his legs. 

He sighs, grabbing his phone before leaning back in his chair, and then snorts. Because it’s a text from Hoseok.

_When are you done with work? I miss you._

_I thought you were already asleep_ , Changkyun replies.

 _Can’t sleep when I’m missing you so much._ Hoseok adds a photo of his hand grabbing the very obvious bulge in his trunks, and Changkyun grins, knowing exactly why he’s so damn in love with this man.

 _Give me five more minutes_ , Changkyun writes back just to tease him.

But Hoseok answers with another photo. This time it’s Hoseok’s fully hard cock out of his trunks, his hand fisting the shaft. It’s an argument Changkyun can’t ignore, so he makes the call.

“Hey,” Hoseok answers, his voice breathy.

“So that pervy old guy sent me another dick pic,” Changkyun says in a low tone, trying to remember where he left his masturbation sleeve.

“He did?” Hoseok chuckles. “Just block him already.”

“I called him instead,” Changkyun admits playfully, opening the drawer of his desk. “I told him how much I'd like to close my lips around that pretty cock.”

Hoseok hums. “I bet he liked hearing that a lot.”

“And I bet,” Changkyun says, rummaging in the drawer. “His cum... would taste... like mildly... seasoned rice milk...”

“Like what?” Hoseok snorts.

Changkyun gives up, clearing his throat. “Rice milk…?”

Hoseok laughs out loud. “Baby, I think your dirty talk mode is broken.”

“Shut up,” Changkyun huffs, closing the drawer. “That’s literally what your cum tastes like. Also, I can’t find my masturbation sleeve.” He leans back with a sigh. “I can’t touch myself.”

“You left it in the bathroom, and now come to bed. You can touch me instead,” Hoseok offers gently, and Changkyun’s edges soften instantly.

“Fine,” Changkyun replies, leaning forward, switching off the monitor before he gets up from the chair. “But spread your legs some more. I want the best view when I enter the room.”

Hoseok chuckles. “Welcome to your personal real life porn channel.”

Changkyun snorts amused and opens the bedroom door. Hoseok didn’t promise too much. 

He’s lying naked on the bed, his legs widely spread while his fist is slowly working his cock, and Changkyun bites his lip, keeping himself from smiling like a lovesick fool. Because Hoseok is a dream come true. The dimmed light from the nightstand is drawing attention to the vivid shadows highlighting Hoseok’s gorgeously toned body, and the fact that Hoseok is really lying there, so very tangible and ready for this ride, is still giving Changkyun a pleasant flutter in his core. Even after three month of living together, he can’t get used to-

“Come on, baby,” Hoseok says, breathing through the pleasure of his own hand. “This channel is interactive, you know.”

“Just appreciating the art,” Changkyun grins, walking towards the bed, sliding his phone onto the nightstand before climbing onto the cushions between Hoseok’s legs.

“Mhm, leave a comment in the box below,” Hoseok mumbles, closing his eyes when Changkyun places the first kiss onto his knee, moving to the inner thigh.

“Do you have a shooting the upcoming days?” Changkyun asks, running his lips carefully over Hoseok’s expensively smooth skin.

“On Monday, but I honestly don’t care. Give the make-up artist something to do.”

Changkyun chuckles, pressing his tongue onto a spot so very close to Hoseok’s groin, sucking just lightly, waiting for Hoseok’s approval, and Hoseok hums in pleasure before Changkyun buries his teeth into Hoseok’s thigh, pulling more skin into his mouth, sucking so hard Hoseok groans, arching his back. Changkyun moves his mouth an inch further, biting again, repeating the sweet torture, and Hoseok pushes his dick towards Changkyun’s head.

“I’m leaking,” Hoseok moans, offering the precum on his tip like ice cream in a cone, knowing perfectly well that Changkyun won’t be able to resist, and Changkyun groans, leaning forward, wanting that cum so bad. He runs his tongue over the tip, growing so hard at the familiar taste, wanting more. He closes his mouth over the head, sucking it like candy until his lips are touching the tip again, and it makes him so fucking hungry, he leans back down, running his lips down the shaft until they reach Hoseok’s hand before he moves back up, tasting more precum at the tip. Fuck, he wants to take over. So he pushes Hoseok’s hand away, replacing it with his own, and Hoseok groans, burying his hand in Changkyun’s hair instead, tilting his pelvis the moment Changkyun starts bobbing his head.

“Kyunah, wait,” Hoseok pants, swallowing down the next moan. “Don’t uh- fuck, Kyunah wait, wait, wait.”

Changkyun looks up, detaching his mouth from Hoseok’s cock, a thread of saliva following him, and he wipes his mouth. “What’s wrong?”

“Come here,” Hoseok says, leaning forward to welcome Changkyun in his arms, hugging Changkyun’s hips instantly with his thighs. “Let me cum with your dick inside,” he whispers against the sensitive skin at Changkyun’s ear before biting his earlobe, sucking it in, and Changkyun can’t help but shiver, grinding his crotch against Hoseok’s cock, humming his agreement when Hoseok’s mouth is meeting his lips.

It’s just a second before their tongues are all over each other, wetting their senses. Hoseok is pulling at Changkyun’s shirt, and Changkyun takes it off without thinking. He’s back at Hoseok’s lips in a blink of an eye, and Hoseok slides his hands onto Changkyun’s back, pulling him closer while their hips are rocking against each other. Hoseok leans forward, and Changkyun doesn't even know how he suddenly ends up on his back.

“I'm going to prep myself,” Hoseok says, sitting up, straddling Changkyun's lap while reaching for the nightstand, and Changkyun watches him fishing his prosthetic out of the drawer, putting it on the bed before leaning towards the nightstand once more.

“Is this the bonus show for lifetime subscribers?” Changkyun grins, and Hoseok halts for a second before sitting back on Changkyun’s lap.

“Is it though?” Hoseok asks, squeezing lube over a butt plug. “A lifetime subscription, I mean…”

“Yeah,” Changkyun replies in a soft tone, running his hands over Hoseok’s thighs, and the corners of Hoseok’s mouth are curling up.

“Good, then please enjoy,” he says, leaning forward, propping himself on one hand, the other one going to the back. “But you know, you just proposed to me, right?” he says, closing his eyes and biting his lip.

Changkyun can almost feel Hoseok’s pleasure when he’s pushing the plug into his hole, and it’s insane how much Changkyun wants him. “How can I propose, when we’re already married,” he says, kneading Hoseok’s thighs because his hands are itching to touch him somewhere else.

Hoseok moans, moving his hand faster. “We can’t be married if you haven’t met my mothe-,”

Changkyun stops Hoseok with his finger against his lips. “Let's talk about that later, okay?” 

“Mhm,” Hoseok hums before opening his mouth again, licking over the fingertip.

Changkyun hisses, pushing all his fingers into Hoseok's mouth. The warm wetness is shooting straight into his dick, and Hoseok is pressing his tongue against the bottom, sucking so hard, Changkyun almost pulls out, but Hoseok won’t let him, keeping him in place with his teeth, moving his tongue between Changkyun’s fingers while he’s slowing down the movement of his hand in the back, pushing and pulling the plug slower but deeper. He moans, drooling over Changkyun’s hand, and Changkyun is going to fucking lose his mind, the pressure between his legs becoming almost unbearable.

“Seokah, let me fuck you,” he breathes, withdrawing his hand.

“Just a second,” Hoseok moans. “This feels so good, uh-”

Changkyun’s gaze shifts to Hoseok’s dick hanging so very heavy between his legs, twitching hard while more precum is leaking at the tip, and he snaps, leaning forward, pushing Hoseok onto his back, and Hoseok chuckles.

“So impatient?”

“Fucking jealous,” Changkyun growls, pulling the plug out of Hoseok’s ass, replacing it with two of his fingers, not tight enough, so he adds another one, and Hoseok moans out loud, moans even louder when Changkyun starts pumping into him. “How’s this?” he asks.

“Better,” Hoseok admits breathlessly. “So much better.”

“Good.” Changkyun pulls out, leaving Hoseok empty, grabbing his prosthetic.

He checks the vibe inside the cock before threading it through the elastic loop in his trunks, and Hoseok sits up, sliding his hand to the back of Changkyun’s neck, pulling him into another kiss while his other hand, already coated in lube, is stroking over Changkyun’s dick.

“You ready?” Hoseok breathes, and Changkyun just hums in response, leaning forward to lay Hoseok back onto the cushions, and Hoseok wraps his legs around Changkyun’s waist, waiting for him to adjust the cock onto his entrance before pressing his heels into Changkyun’s bottom, and Changkyun glides in so smoothly, it makes them both moan.

“Move, baby. Please move,” Hoseok whimpers, and Changkyun starts rolling his hips, testing the angle. It's so fucking good, he groans, biting into Hoseok's traps, making Hoseok moan louder.

Hoseok is pressing his hands into Changkyun's shoulder blades, tilting his pelvis, making it easier for Changkyun to rock into him, and Changkyun starts thrusting faster, sucking at Hoseok's neck, listening to the sweet pleasure voiced at his ear. 

But Hoseok's hips get restless soon, meeting Changkyun halfway, his heels pressing harder at Changkyun's back, and the friction starts sizzling in Changkyun's groin, but it's still Hoseok with his dick rubbed between them, who is the first one to tip over the edge. He bites into Changkyun's shoulder, muffling his groan while the release is spilling onto his torso, spreading onto Changkyun's as well, and Changkyun is still thrusting into him, ready for his own release, but it's Hoseok who pushes him over the edge, smearing his cum onto Changkyun's lips, pushing his fingers into Changkyun's mouth, and Changkyun is fucking bursting.

“Babe, you okay?” Hoseok asks when Changkyun is collapsing into his arms.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Changkyun replies still gasping for air, resting his head on Hoseok’s shoulder. He’s more than good, actually. Hoseok always makes him feel so much more than good, and Changkyun relaxes, the moment he can feel Hoseok’s hand caressing his hair.

“Can we sleep in tomorrow?” Changkyun asks, closing his eyes, so pleasantly tired.

“You can, but I promised Honey to meet him at the gym at nine,” Hoseok mutters into Changkyun’s hair, leaving a kiss to his temple.

Changkyun snorts. “What’s wrong with both of you?”

“You could join us,” Hoseok chuckles.

“Nope.”

“Is he still talking about Min a lot?”

“He can’t shut up,” Changkyun groans.

“You know,” Hoseok snickers. “Min started asking about him, too. Should we play matchmakers?”

“Definitely not,” Changkyun huffs, reluctantly leaving Hoseok’s arms, sitting up. “Let them figure this shit out on their own,” he adds. fumbling his dick out of his pants. But when he’s about the leave the bed, Hoseok pulls at the waistband of his trunks.

“Kyunah, wait.”

“Mh?” Changkyun turns around to look at him. “Don’t you wanna shower and sleep? Let's go.”

“I'm… uhm, you know, next weekend I'm going home, right?” Hoseok says.

“To visit your mom, yeah, I know.”

“So, like… uhm what if, I… uhm,” Hoseok mutters, poking the cum on his torso, staring at his hand while drawing circles around his belly button. “I mean, you could-” 

“You want me to come with you?” Changkyun asks, holding back a grin because his boyfriend is so fucking adorable.

“Yeah, actually… Is it too soon? I mean, you know, I’ve been just joking about the marriage thing...”

“No, you weren’t.” 

“No, I wasn’t,” Hoseok sighs, adding zigg zaggs to his pattern. “I’m rushing you, aren’t I?”

“Seokah, I wasn’t joking either,” Changkyun says gently, not bothered by Hoseok’s need for reassurance. They both went through shitty things. That’s life. “I said lifetime subscription, didn’t I?”

“And you mean it?” Hoseok is finally looking up at him

“Yeah,” Changkyun says, watching a smile forming on Hoseok’s face.

He stops messing with his cum, putting the finger into his mouth. “I think you were right,” he hums, sucking his finger dry. “Could be some weird rice milk,” he grins.

“God, I love you,” Changkyun groans, throwing his dick back onto the cushions, climbing onto Hoseok’s lap, and Hoseok leans forward, throwing his arms around him, meeting his lips halfway.

“I love you, too,” he snickers, and they chuckle into the kiss because they already know that these bed sheets won’t survive tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (not) THE END
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking around, for all your kudos and comments. This has been much more fun because of you.


End file.
